Having the right attitude to deal with issues that may seem beyond your control is the assurance that you can deal with even many others that could come tomorrow. It is a privilege to be alive and hope for a good future, waking up healthy and not having to struggle for the air we breathe, to wish for food and get more than enough to fill us. When life throws at us things we wish we had control of. Things like, what people think of us or say about us, why a loved one has been diagnosed with an illness (like cancer) that has no cure, why we didn’t prevent what has befallen us or a loved one, why we didn’t keep our opinions to ourselves and avoid the implications of speaking out or saying it the way we feel it is.
We may not have control of what life throws at us, but the truth is, we can control our reactions to all the things we can’t control.
Yes, we seldom wish for those awkward moments when we feel very upset, but they are bound to happen. What matters is our reaction at those moments
How to Deal with hurts and According to two profound therapists.
Accept the situation for what it is
Fighting the feeling does not help, so just give yourself the permission to feel the emotions that come with the moments. Acknowledge the hurt or pain, without judging yourself, without beating yourself up, without saying, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”
“Being honest with what is happening for you will give you the opportunity to heal from it,” said Stacey Ojeda, LMFT, a psychotherapist who specializes in working with clients on healing and adjusting to sudden and traumatic loss, such as suicide, homicide, medical traumas and accidents, as well working with those who’ve survived sexual assault and abuse. “Avoiding what feelings come up doesn’t make them go away, it just prolongs the healing process.”
Taking a deep breath will help keep you calm.
When we get overwhelmed, our breathing becomes shallow, which spikes our stress. Practicing deep breathing helps to calm us. It’s also a reminder that you can control your breath—even when there’s little else you can control, said Daniela Paolone, LMFT, a holistic psychotherapist who utilizes mind-body techniques, education, pain management approaches and more, to help those with chronic illness, pain, and anxiety get back to living life with greater ease and comfort.
To begin, place one hand on your belly button. Inhale through your nose, so your belly expands out and fills with air, like a balloon, Paolone said. Exhale, so your belly moves inward. “As you inhale you can say to yourself that you are breathing in health and healing and on the exhale, you are breathing out any worries and concerns.”
Avoid getting obsessed over the reasons
Oh, if I didn’t speak up, I wouldn’t have been labelled the bad person, If I had not confided in her, she wouldn’t have the facts with wish she tarnished my image, If only I had mopped up the water spill on time, my nephew wouldn’t be in the hospital with a broken arm.
“When you get caught up on the ‘why’ and trying to find the perfect answer for why the event took place, it stops you from moving forward and finding what you can control in that moment,” Ojeda said. Relinquish your search for reasons and what-ifs.
Look at the brighter side of things
“When events or situations in life go wrong, it is really easy for us to only bring our energy and attention to those problems,” Paolone said.
Well, some of us might want to justify the reasons why we can’t but worry about those problems and channel our energies into it. But, I hope it helps to mention that, Paolone understands what it’s like to have darker moments. In fact, she lives with various health issues and chronic pain. She finds having a jar of “good moments” to be particularly helpful. This is where she includes events and experiences that she’s appreciative of, such as: feeling healthy enough to get a haircut; meeting a good friend for lunch; sipping a favorite tea and reading the paper; having a supportive family, seeing a caring doctor who sits and listens to her concerns.
You really need to look at the brighter side of things. Please always ask yourself, if there is something to be appreciative of, amidst your pains and frustration.
You need exercise at times like this
At times like this, exercising may not even cross your mind. And even if someone suggests that it may be the last thing you want to do. But once you get going, aerobic exercise (“cardio”) can make a huge difference in the way you feel.
Studies have shown that exercise can be just as effective as many common medications used to treat depression and anxiety. Activities as simple as listening and singing along to music while you use equipment in your home, bringing a friend along (human or furry) can make the difference. Helping someone else feel better by giving a massage, I assure you, can be a great exercise and wonderful for brightening the day, and ultimately helping you deal with whatever is robbing you of your happiness and enthusiasm to life.
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